I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize