Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
