get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My vagina is officially offended.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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