I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
