ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize