I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
