yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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