i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
