I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
