you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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