...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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