I got chris browned last night
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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