I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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