I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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