all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He did a backflip because drugs
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
