So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
