I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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