I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
