but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
