Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
