it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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