I feel like abortions should bother me more
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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