im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
