i think my mom watched the whole time
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
