what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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