Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
