Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
