someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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