I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
