Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
