check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
