How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
