i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
