Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
