i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How does it feel to date your dad?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
