Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
tell me about the fingering
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