I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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