i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He did a backflip because drugs
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