People in love make me want to vomit
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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