I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
