who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
