too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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