the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize