I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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