I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
