my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
