Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
