i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
