He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
