My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
