frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
