She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
