There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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