Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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