I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize