i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
