I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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