Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
