What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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