woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
