Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
