i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
