Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
