Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
