You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
