no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
