either way he was missing a nipple.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
