Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my sisters under your porch take her home
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
