Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
