Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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