he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
