I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
