omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
